We see you but…
Posted on February 8, 2018
…Do you see yourself?
I was sat in a meeting and I was listening and watching the various conversations in the room.
One person struck me. They appeared to have no awareness of how hurtful their comments were to the person they were speaking to. They did not 1. realise that they were being condescending or that 2. their facetious interruptions were damaging and 3. they did not pick up on the negative reactions they were causing, had they, they probably would have realised that they were being offensive. It was quite sad. Especially because they could not see the effect they were having.
It made me question myself : how do I come across? Do I leave someone feeling good about themselves like Ephesians 4:29 teaches us? Do my words build? Do they leave people strengthened? Hard question to answer if you are not aware of who you are.
I do not have a formula as to how you can become more self aware but I know it has to start from within, how you see yourself, knowing who you are – or whose you are if you believe in God like I do. It is indeed a skill to be a good listener because listening does not just involve your ears it involves your eyes, your mind, your mouth and your heart. Paul teaches us that there is an order in the process of change, it starts in your heart, then your mind then your behaviour will show what has happened or is happening in your heart. I hope that you can join me on the journey of self awareness. Ask someone you trust if they can honestly out of love tell you how you come across. It really will help you if you choose to live outside your feelings (offence) and live in your truth.
At times because of our past we go into ‘self protective mode’ we completely miss the fact that that mode is actually hurting our present community. I fell off my bike the other day and got badly bruised. It would be easier for me to never go back on my bike again because I do not want to risk another fall. If I do that, all that means is I could possibly miss out on great interaction with other bikers whom God may have placed in my path and also miss out on the best way to get fit! I could also turn into one of those people that always have something negative to say about one bad experience ‘I wouldn’t cycle if I was you because you will get hurt’ or ‘all men are abusive’ (that is another blog btw).
I have learnt that knowing who you are will help you to build relationships and also break you off from places you should not be in, including your own self deprecating thoughts.
Somethings to think about after reading this :
- Do I annoy people because of the things that I do or say? If you answer no – ask someone.
- Do I behave or refuse to change behaviour because of past pain or hurt?
- Do I always have to be right?
- Do I easily get annoyed by other peoples opinions?
- Did I take ownership of the last fall out I had?
- What do I get most defensive about? Why?
- Am I happy?
If something is eating you up on the inside it usually manifests itself in our behaviour…in how we see ourselves…in how we come across.
Take care of you!